If you haven’t read Neil Strauss’s book “The Game: Penetrating the Secret Society of Pickup Artists,” do yourself a favor and pick it up immediately. Although the story is based around Neil’s life as a pick-up artist the life lessons learned in the book are unbelievably powerful.
The book covers common sense habits that should have been taught to us in school. Yet so many of us are not practicing them either because we don’t know how or we’re unaware of just how valuable they are.
The book isn’t really about picking up women at all, it’s about developing the habits, skills, and confidence that lead to living a better life. One that isn’t boring, is full of excitement, personal growth, and constant learning about yourself and others.
Instead of a pick-up artists manifesto I consider it a lifestyle guide that helps you uncover the real you, what you want out of your life, and how to get those things. Below you’ll find the most valuable, practical, and easy to implement tips from the book.
THE FOUR FUNDAMENTALS OF DAILY FULFILLMENT
All of us have a few things that if done everyday contribute dramatically to our well-being. It could be something as simple as listening to a few select songs that put you in a good mood, starting your day with a workout, or meeting up with a friend for a cup of coffee.
Discovering and practicing those small things can lead to endless days of fulfillment, happiness, and purpose. The four categories of personal fulfillment start with:
1 – PERSONAL FULFILLMENT
Think of this as an area of your life that affects you and you alone. What are some things that you can practice everyday that lead to your own personal growth and happiness.
- The way you dress
- Personal hygiene and grooming
- Getting in a workout
- Eating right
- Participating in a sport
- Reading a good book
- Listening to a favorite song
2 – SOCIAL FULFILLMENT
This is the area of your life that may affect others and is often made up with those you communicate most often.
- Your significant other
- Various loved ones, family, friends, or those you are dating.
- People you come into contact or converse with often (even the barista at Starbucks you see most days.)
Consider this any clubs, organizations, or larger groups you are apart of. The social groups that you align yourself with most often.
- Athletic teams
- Your gym/Crossfit box
- Forums or online groups
- Religious groups
- The club you frequent or the place you go dancing every thursday night.
4 – SPIRITUAL FULFILLMENT
This is that often hard to explain feeling of needing to acquire self-actualization, unleash your creativity, and to connect with yourself, others, and the world around you.
- Meditation practice
- Studying philosophy
- Deep thought or conversation
- Questioning traditional theories of thought (Status Quo)
- Practicing gratitude
What would be one simple thing you could do each day from all four categories that would contribute to a days worth of fulfillment for you?
THE LESSONS I LEARNED FROM THE BOOK
1. Adhere to the 3-second rule: The longer you take to make a decision the greater the chance you will over-think it, get nervous, talk yourself out of it, or simply blow it altogether. This goes for whether you’re approaching a guy/gal or deciding whether or not to go to the gym. Give yourself 3 seconds and that’s it.
2. Social Proof goes a long way: Before and after photos with physical transformations, testimonials for products, or a trusted opinion regarding a job. What do you think when you see a really goofy dude with a beautiful sophisticated looking girl on his arm? You wonder what the heck he’s got going for him.
3. Everyone’s favorite subject is themselves: If you’re meeting someone for the first time, are a little intimidated by someone, or in a situation with groups you are unfamiliar with get them to talking about themselves and ask follow-up questions as you hear key phrases and points being made while in conversation.
4. Experience builds confidence: Skydiving is scary until you do it, so is bungee jumping, so is approaching someone you have a crush on. Want to get over it? You have to practice.
The cool thing is you can gain confidence now without actually having to participate in the activity. Watch videos, read books, educate, take action, and reflecting on those things will help you to build confidence.
5. “Alcohol doesn’t cause you to do things you don’t want to do, it enables you to do something you’ve repressed“. Now I’m not advocating going on a drinking binge by all means I am just using it as a metaphor to loosen up a bit and embrace those inner desires, feelings, and needs.
6. The cat string theory is the most accurate theory of all time: As humans we don’t appreciate things that just fall into our laps. We find more value when we have to bust through personal boundaries, overcome obstacles, and do things we originally thought we could not.
Dangle a string just out of reach of a cats paws and that cat will give chase doing everything in its power to get that string. Then, when the prize has been won and the cat has the string in its grasp, it will quickly lose interest
This is why so many of us quit after we lose a few pounds, get bored with a new job after a few months, or lose interest in a relationship. There has to always be a bit of a challenge in order for us to appreciate the things we desire most.
7. Emotions and energy are one in the same: Emotions are simply energy in motion that you trap inside your body because of a thought. Keep them inside long enough and eventually they go stale.
If enough emotional tension is kept in the body long enough the build up will become to large for you to handle and come pouring out. Like a break in a dam they will be harder to control.
Acknowledge what is happening in the present moment; laughter, tears, fear, and joy all help to release stored energy that you’re keeping inside.
8. Beauty is common: You are either born with it or you can pay for it – What really counts is what you make of yourself, your outlook on life, your energy and enthusiasm, and appreciation of all the possibilities that life has to offer.
If everyone looked the same what would set you apart?
9. You’re going to need help: To achieve life goals you are going to need a support system. Whether it comes in the form of knowledge, guidance, or motivation doesn’t matter… you’ll need a shoulder to lean on, I guarantee it.
10. Be a closer: Most people are not closers and never finish what they start. I’m definitely guilty of this on occasion, I get overly excited, commit to everything, and often never finish projects I start.
Some of you may even sabotage your own progress because you’re afraid you won’t find what you seek. I don’t know about you but I’d rather find adventure in the quest than find comfort in sitting idle.
11. Everything you do matters: In the end it all counts, it’s cumulative, LIVE!
I GUESS YOU REALLY CAN’T JUDGE A BOOK BY IT’S COVER
Long story short is that we all have weaknesses, things we are not comfortable with, habits we’d like to change, and personal development we’d like to see happen.
Get clear on what you want and the things most important to you, be consistent in your actions towards achieving those things, and remember that the effort is always work it.
What will you be doing today to get you one step closer to where you want to be tomorrow?
Photo – Korney Violin