Someone Could’ve Warned Me
We’ve all heard those jaw dropping, stomach churning tails of pregnancy cravings. You know the ones… where mama preggers decides she wants to combine pickles and peanut butter for breakfast, or decides to send her sleeping husband on a late night mission to find M&M’s, salsa, Doritos and orange soda, just to realize later she wants watermelon jolly ranchers instead. When my wife was pregnant my run-ins with “the cravings” started off mildly, but it wasn’t long before things started to get interesting around the Poor House.
I noticed we were entering the pregnancy-craving zone when I began receiving daily text messages to pick up strawberries. I wondered to myself, “is this really how it’s going to go? I mean, my wife is pregnant and suddenly we’re going on a health kick?”
I started off by grabbing her a small plastic container of strawberries everyday. Quickly that turned into 1lb containers… Still I’m thinking to myself, “if this is as crazy as it gets I can totally hang”. But the quantities grew, and the text message demands became more intense.
“Can you grab two large containers of strawberries, raspberries, and black berries,” Naomi would text.
“Uh sure” I replied, never questioning her newfound love for fruit. Instead, in total support mode, I thought I’d share in the experience with her and get my taste buds to work. Besides, my mom always told me I needed to eat more fruit. Well I was sadly mistaken.
I was not allowed to partake in her bountiful berry feasts; if I wanted any I would have to get my own. At some point Naomi had cordoned off an entire area of our fridge and placed a “hands off” note in protection of her fruit. I know my wife well enough to not test these waters. She’d made it very clear early on in our relationship, that the whole “what’s mine is yours” mentality did not apply to her food items, just mine.
After a few weeks of drowning in a sea of berries, and having nightmares about having to become a fruit farmer just to support her habit, she reversed course. Sweetness began to cause nausea and the only prescription for that was salty soup. That’s easy I thought; I’d just pack the pantry with a million soups and its handled.
No way… that would be too easy!
The only soups that would pacify her were “Progresso Chicken Noodle Soup”, or her mom’s famous Duk-Gook. The Progresso part was easy, but the other soup not so much. Naomi’s mom at the time lived a good 40 minutes away with California traffic, and for my sanity, I wasn’t going to travel there everyday to get it; so I did the next best thing. Being the loving husband that I am, I got the ingredients myself and attempted to make it for her. This only sparked a weeks worth of epic failures in the kitchen, and constantly being told that my soup didn’t come close to her mothers.
“Screw this noise”, I thought, and guess who started making trips every couple of days to restock on her mother’s soup… Me!
For weeks this damn soup and I became life partners just trying to survive my wife and the 405 freeway. Korean soup cravings soon turned into Korean dumplings hand-made by old ladies at her mother’s church. As my luck would have it, we could only get them on Sundays. I literally thought I had reached my breaking point between the smell of frying oil circulating throughout our house, and the bumper-to-bumper traffic soup runs. I almost checked myself into Shady Acres Mental Institute.
FINALLY, after a long month these cravings too began to die down and things became eerily normal again. “Ya Right!!!” After a week or two of some-what normalcy, Naomi said to me, “you know what I really feel like?” I didn’t want to respond so I just looked at my car keys awaiting instruction… “Smores!!!” she shouted.
Dear God if I have to drive to the beach and hum Kumbaya while making a campfire just so she can enjoy an authentic s’more daily, I may end up drowning myself in the ocean. I guess in a brief moment of positivity Californians have an almost sacrilegious way of making s’mores that doesn’t included a fire pit! Who would have thought a microwave would end up being my saving grace.
We made a trip to the grocery store, and from past experience I doubled up on everything: Two boxes of graham crackers, two bags of marshmallows, and a box of Hershey’s bars. At least this craving was something I too would enjoy.
We got home and my wife made a couple s’mores, “this isn’t so bad”, I thought, they tasted amazing and she was smiling with melted marshmallow all over her face, which I found entertaining. I ate mine and began watching sports like I always do. She made a couple of trips to the kitchen without me really paying much attention.
“How many have you had?” I asked.
“Umm I think 5,” she sheepishly answered.
I then looked down at her plate to find five more s’mores made and ready for devouring. I was utterly speechless! We both broke into laughter. Ten, I Sh*% you not, ten s’mores were consumed by my wife that day. Frankly, I was impressed, and had a good laugh hearing her complain about her stomach-ache.
Till next week!
“Someone Could’ve Warned Me” WARNING of the week: For every pound your wife gains in pregnancy, you are required to gain two. It’s called sympathy weight fellas! Consider yourselves warned!
I’m going to keep this short and sweet this week. I weighed in at 248lbs giving me a total weight loss of 17lbs. I can’t wait to see 245lbs on the scale for a 20lb weight loss. In just a little over a month I am incredibly happy with the results I have been experiencing working with Justin and limitless365.com.
As Justin and I continue on this process, he has made it very clear to me that one of his main goals is to show the masses how to accomplish all their goals from home. Fitness can become incredibly expensive and time-consuming when a gym is involved. It also can become very frustrating when your workouts become bogged down with waiting for machines and sharing sweat filled equipment.
Add work and family life into the equation and time becomes very precious. So for the next two weeks and possibly longer, Justin has set me up with an awesome at home workout regimen. I plan to knock out this first week and let all of you in on the results. Providing that everything goes according to plan, as it has to this point, I am going to twist Justin’s arm into letting me publish it in my blog next week.
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Cross your fingers everyone, Christmas may come early and you all could be receiving a fantastic home workout program with a big bow wrapped around it. Have a fantastic week everyone, every pound down equals a smile on this clown.
Paleo Comfort Foods Cookbook
1 Cup coconut oil
2 Large Eggs
1 Cup almond flour
1 tsp paprika
1 tsp garlic powder
½ tsp salt
½ tsp black pepper
½ tsp dried thyme
1 tsp chipotle powder (optional)
2lbs chicken- thighs, breasts, drums
• Heat Oil in large frying pan to 350F
• Whisk eggs in medium-sized bowl.
• Combine all dry ingredients in large bowl and mix well.
• Dip chicken in whisked eggs.
• Coat/cover with dry mixture and place in hot oil. Allow both sides to brown (about 2min per side).
• Place drying rack on sheet pan and assemble chicken on the rack so there is space between all pieces.
• Place in a 400F preheated oven for 10-15 minutes. Remove and get ready for some good eating.
Tips- Line your pan with aluminum foil to make clean up a bit easier. You can also try brining your chicken the day before to enhance flavor.