Slowing down and living a more deliberate life

man drinking coffee

The importance of slowing down and living a more deliberate life started with a men’s retreat.

A few men were speaking about how their biggest drives right now are to find ways to slow down and live a more deliberate life. “Quit hustling so hard” and “get out of the rat race” were the quotes I wrote down.

Dan Doty

This has been a topic on my mind for some time now. Over the past few months, I’ve been meditating on it. Letting thoughts, feelings, and emotions come and go as a way to understand why I feel this way.

Thoughts on slowing down and living a more deliberate life

Take ownership of it.

I’m here because I put myself here. I’m where I am in life because of a collection of choices I have made over the years. If I feel like I’m in a rat race, grinding, and hustling so hard it’s because I chose to do that. Acceptance is a real bitch sometimes, isn’t it?


Why did I decide that it was important for me to make those choices? After sitting with this for hours upon hours over the last few months it’s clear that it’s because deep down I felt like I wasn’t good enough, talented enough, smart enough, interesting enough, or some other enough.

There’s also fear behind it.

If I stop grinding, hustling, working so hard won’t I lose it all? Then where will I be? Who will I be?

For men (or at least myself) there’s a lot of expectation around being a provider.

For yourself, your family, even for friends. I think most of us dream of being able to take our buddies out for a round of drinks and not have to think about it. Buy our significant other things, make them feel secure, and give our kids everything they want. Maybe things we didn’t have growing up.

Taking action. Living a slow and more deliberate life

Realize that change may take a while. It may involve difficult conversations with people we care about. It may involve being open, honest, and vulnerable about how we’re feeling. 

It’s sure as fuck going to be hard and uncomfortable. 

But like most things, it starts with small, deliberate, and daily activities. Like meditating with it or simply sitting with your thoughts, feelings, and emotions and welcoming what comes up for you when you do this.

Then maybe it grows from there. You stop answering emails on the weekends to pursue a personal interest like learning about whisky, going on a hike with your wife, or eating lucky charms with your kids in your underwear as you watch stupid cat videos on YouTube.

All I know is that much like I chose to put myself in the “rat race” I can choose to exit it any time I want.